[Fic] too dreary a walk alone (The Attic - A.M. Burrage)
- Fandom: The Attic - A.M. Burrage
- Pairing: Stanley Forbes/Derek Wilson
- Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Falling In Love, One Shot, Getting Together
- Word-Count: 10975
- Status: Complete
- First Published: 2024-04-15
- Disclaimer: I do not own The Attic by A.M. Burrage and make no profit from thisāit is solely a hobby for fun, with no financial compensation.
Summary:
Derek Wilson is dead. This does not, as might be expected, prevent Stanley Forbes from falling in love with him.
Notes:
written forĀ tiny fandoms flash: challenge 001 - earthbound
I thought to myself 'gee, it'd sure be fun if my 10th attic fic is 10k words' and then i wrote this over the course of many many moons (read: like 2 months or something).
this is an au where stanley never visited the telfords in the manor, so derek died there. and is now a ghost. and now stanley is at last visiting!
derek's death takes place prior to the start of the fic and is not referenced or described in any detail. it is not a great source of angst, i don't think? basically he's a ghost and stanley is apparently ride-or-die so it's all okay :D
the MCD tag is just because derek is technically dead. like he's not dead-dead, he's still here. well, okay he's dead-dead but he's not gone-dead, if that makes sense lol. (i'm just weak for ghost romances ok it's not deeper than that, lmao)
Work Text:
Indeed, Stanley Forbes thought, the boy was dead.
"Hello, then," he said, peering at the faintly translucent boy at the top of the stairs. He was handsome, on the cusp of manhood, and his shaded eyes were dark when they looked back at Forbes, and Forbes rather did think that he could see the similarity to Gladys; for the boy's nose had a familiar appearance, and the shape of his eyes, the small tilt in their placement, was quite reminiscent of her's, too. Forbes rose an eyebrow. "And who might you be?"
The boy descended the steps without a sound, a small frown tainting his appearance. "Stranger," Forbes was greeted, and the boy crossed his arms, cocking his head to the side. "You are a rude one, I think."
Forbes was forced to recognize the truth of this statement; it was indeed he who was disturbing the boy's home, this old manor that the Telfords had abandoned after the boy's, Derek Wilson's, death here one summer, and it was him who had forgotten his manners rather entirely.
"My apologies," he took off his hat and bowed his head. "I am Stanley Forbes; your brother-in-law sent me," Forbes said, and took a step further into the dark room. It was rather a drab house,Ā this place, but indeed there was still a warmth to it. No such coldness as Telford had reported seemed visible to him, and when Derek approached it displaced the air in a manner that made it quite difficult to reconcile his death. "I am only here to offer my assistance, in any manner that might prove useful," Forbes offered.
Derek hummed. It had been many years since he'd died, now; his sister was a mother these days, and Telford had moved the entire family to a much smaller house in the same town. They visited the manor regularly, of course, to keep young Derek up-to-date on their happenings, but still, Gladys reported, Derek must be lonely.
"Come with me, then," Derek said, walking onward. Forbes grabbed his bag and followed; the house was large, of course, but it was well-lit and kept clean, a sense of great space instead of the narrowness that so easily befell dark rooms. Derek led him without hesitation, walking through the house on familiar bones, and Forbes found himself grateful for the chance to gather his thoughts and mind. For Derek was quite handsome, and already proved of great wit and humor, and Forbes was weak of mind, these days.
"Your room," Derek opened a door. "I haven't been able to clean it up for you," he said and waved a hand through a dresser, "But my sister fixed it up a little last they were here."
"It's lovely," Forbes stated, and found he meant it, too. Not solely because it was nicely decorated, and not solely because Derek looked very at home in here, but because Forbes stepped inside and smelt the faint scent of lavender and vanilla, and Derek smiled at him over his shoulder, and the way his heart thumped was unexpected, despite all.
It would not be inaccurate to say that Forbes had, over the years, been the audience to many a tales about Derek. Telford and his wife both greatly enjoyed speaking of Derek; they found no greater joy, indeed, then in regaling all and sundry of the tale of Derek's reemergence after death, the way they had awoken one nightāthis was before they'd managed to move out of the manorāto find Derek in the kitchen, amusing himself with turning the tap on and off. They'd been scared at first, of course, because the only other ghosts they'd ever met had been the ones that had led to Derek's death, but the joy in having Derek returned to them was too great to resist. It helped, of course, that Derek was not bitter about his fate, or indeed envious of the living, and found in return great joy in his visiting family, for Derek was not left to languish in solitude as might be feared.
Dinner with Derek was not particularly a noteworthy experience in itself, aside from the company of such a livelyādeath notwithstandingāperson, and that eve was in turn not of great note. Forbes found sleep easy; he could faintly hear Derek's music from another room, and the company had so far only proved enjoyable.
Forbes woke in the little hour of the morning, blinking himself awake and staring into the sunlight. With a small sound of surpriseāfor indeed, there was always some degree of surprise upon wakingāhe rubbed his eyes and listened to the sounds around. He could not hear Derek; this, he did not know the meaning of.Ā Derek had been quite quiet the night before; speaking of course to answer questions, but unwilling to concede a true conversation.
He did not blame the boy. Forbes was a stranger, after all, and no stranger could be relied upon at once.
That he wished to be relied upon was rather a surprise, though.
In truth, Forbes had not known what to expect upon reaching the manor. The tales told of Derek were charming, charismatic, but Forbes still retained a certain degree of leeriness in not expecting too much. For Gladys would surely remember Derek as he was best; one did not speak ill of the dead, talking though they might be.
Wandering through the halls on tired feet, Forbes peeked into nigh-on every room he passed. Sunlight streamed through the windows, climbing over the furniture, and Forbes was caught in nearly every room by the view. He could see a fence through the window, too, one that spoke of ill things, and indeed Telford had regaled him of this tale, too. Forbes found himself in no eagerness to revisit it, and so turned away, and headed for the kitchen.
There were no servants in the manor. That would be unconscionable, of course, and neither of the Telfords would ask of such a thing. It was of great use, then, that Forbes was quite adept at making his own breakfast, thanks in part to his trusty butler, Mr. Walters, a man of rather great renown at the local markets. Mr. Walters would not abide a master that could not make his own bread, and was of course always eager to assist in Forbes' attempt at self-improvementāthough that assistance could be quite judgmental at times. Forbes did not blame the man though, for Mr. Walters was a widow and a survivor of a great many battles in life; he had standards, both for himself and his master, and it was only right and proper for Forbes to meet them.
Forbes could not find hair nor hide of Derek during breakfast. He cleaned his mess after himself, stacked the plates in the cupboards and noted that he shall have to buy more bread and butter if he wished to remain for any length of time, and then wandered off in search of his dead host.
He hoped, he also found, that he had not in any way intimidated or made Derek uncomfortable; that Derek was not hiding because of him, or from him. He had no such intention, was only here to help Derek in whatever way was desired of him, and if his absence was the thing that should help, he would naturally leave, regardless of Telford and Gladys' displeasure. The poor young man was already deadāForbes did not intend to make existence any worse for him.
At last, he found Derek in a sitting room. It was quiet without a fire in the rather subdued fireplace, but the sunlight streaming in through the windows provided plenty of natural light. Derek was gazing out them, seemingly unbothered by the blinding light, and Forbes in turned gazed upon Derek. In fact, he sat himself down upon an armchair when Derek made no move of notice of his presence, resting on it and leaning back, entirely content to study the young boy.
He did not, contrary to his supposed age, look like a boy. Forbes was uncertain what age Derek should be now; he had been on the last dregs of childhood upon his death but during the long conversation with Telford and the man's wife of the situation at large, it had not become apparent how many years had passed since Derek's unfortunate death. And now, Forbes found a great embarrassment in not knowing, and could not make himself ask.
"Are you well?" Forbes asked after several minutes had already passed. He was quite comfortable in his chair, and had no problem waiting the time it took Derek to look at him, to deign to acknowledge him. It was quite fine, Forbes thought, for Derek was trapped in the manor in which he'd died; Forbes could think of no worse fate beyond death. That Derek was not entirely alone, that his sister and her husband still took care of him, must in some way be of great pain, as well. For Forbes had no doubt the Telfords would have long left these grounds behind them if Derek was not still here, moved on and put all this nastiness behind them. And it must ache for Derek, to know that he was the thing keeping them trapped, too, keeping them locked to this place of great pain, just as haunting as he was, really.
Derek did look upon him some time later, though, turning to him with a profound gaze that spoke of a great deal of many things that Forbes could not parse, but nevertheless knew must be great things. Then, Derek said, āIām quite well,ā and Forbes remembered the question heād asked some time ago now. It was entirely too pleasant a way to spend time, watching Derek soak up the sunlight, Forbes found, and heād not felt any aching urge to leave the young man to his solitude, and so he simply had not.
āWould you like to join me for a walk?ā Forbes found himself asking, then, tilting his head and leaning forward a little, already invested in the idea before he heard an answer. It should do the young man well, Forbes thought, to get some fresh air. Dead though he may be, he evidently still sought out the living breath of sunlight, and Forbes thought heād be quite at home in the garden, where he could soak up as much as he wanted.
āI can not leave the house.ā
āNot at all?ā Forbes asked, quite surprised, and his brows furrowed a great deal. He added upon, āNot even to the garden?ā
āNo.ā Derek shook his head and looked upon his lap, his hands fisted in the fabric of his ghostly trousers. Forbesā frown grew, for the way Derek looked in the sunlight could not be described as anything short of angelic, and the idea that the man was kept from true light was utterly alienating to him. He rose without another word, and opened the windows with a quiet puff, clapping his hands when they stood wide apart. And when he looked back, he found Derek to be looking at him, rather then outside.
The golden sunlight drowned Derek, his edges growing misty and effervescent, and Forbes sat back down lest his legs suddenly cease supporting him. It was an image he thought he should never forget, for when Derek then turned his face toward the window, tilting it back and closing his eyes, Forbes thought heād never seen a sight so beautiful before. And he found he could not look away.
He did notĀ wantĀ to look away.
Forbes spent hours in the room with Derek, and could not state any which way about where his thoughts might have gone. Time took on a decidedly ephemeral quality, as far as he was concerned, and he was not particularly in the mood to investigate it, content to merely look and gaze and nurture the sense of wonder creeping ever deeper into his heart. It should be just like him, he thought, to find somebody like Derek so fascinating, and not only due to his current state of existence.
āThank you for joining me,ā Derek said that eve, after Forbes had eaten dinner, Derek watching him all the while. He did not seem especially jealous that he could not eat as well, but still, Forbes took extra care to describe ever minutae of the cooking process while Derek watched everything he did right next to him, and then in turn to critique his own cooking to Derekās obvious amusement. The glimmer of laughter in Derekās eyes was rather hard-won, and a victory that Forbes cherished greatly.
āIt was no trouble, of course,ā Forbes remarked. āThat is what I am here for; to be your companion.ā
āMy companion?ā Derek tilted his head and licked his lips, looking Forbes over. It was only then, of course, that Forbes realized how such a sentence might sound, to somebody of a willing mind, and he rather suspected Derek might be quite willing, indeed, for Derekās eyelashes lowered in a particularly distinctive manner and he smiled in a way that sent a shiver running down Forbesā spine and set butterflies to life in his stomach. āThatās quite generous of you, good sir.ā
āI only want you to be comfortable, in your existence.ā Forbes licked his lips and rather instantly knew it be a mistake, and he added before Derek could say something provocative, āYour sister is quite worried you are lonely, and I must admit that I fear so, as well.ā
āLonely?ā Derekās good humor faded, and Forbes frowned in discontent, for Derekās smile had been a bright thing, indeed, and instantly he found himself missing it. Derek leaned back a little too, and it was only then that Forbes realized that Derek had been leaning over the table somewhat, getting closer without crossing impropriety. āI suppose soā¦ā Derek mused, and looked away, eyes distant.
āIt is not a bad thing.ā Forbes had already been leaning forth, too, but he did more so now, reaching out a hand to the ghost. āIt is certainly no judgment upon you, good sir,ā and he quirked an eyebrow, smiling, āI only meant that itād be quite natural for a man to be lonely, stuck in a house such as this. It is no reflection ofĀ you, Derek.ā
For a moment, Derek said not a word, and Forbes was beginning to think heād spoken out of turn; that, in fact, he was inflicting damage that might be hard-pressed to heal, when Derek was indeed stuck in a house such as this. It was a nice house, in fact, but it fell prey to its history as so many places did, and Forbes could not think that Derek was particularly fond of it now, if he ever had been. Surely, if it was he who was trapped in such a place, he might very well do some utterly unwise things.
But then Derek looked back at Forbes, and smiled. His lower lip trembled, and Forbes felt an aching sense deep inside. Derek laid his hand upon Forbesā and the hand did not go right through as Forbes feared; Derek, in spite of his state, did have a sense of corporeality, a weight to his presence that seemed quite real, indeed.
His touch was not cold. It did not hurt. It was not warm. It was simply was, a fact that could not be disputed despite the seeming irregularities in existence.
Forbes did not want to let go.
āYouāre kind,ā Derek remarked, tilting his head, āAnd I am grateful. But I do not wish to trap anyone else, here, too.ā
And then Derek dissipated into dust, into sunlight, into the space between that which must exist and that which can not, and Forbes was left alone and aching in the dining hall, his stomach clenching with what could not be fear and yet was a kind of disappointment, all the same; in himself, of course, for he had bludgeoned ahead where he would not have, and knew it should not be he who paid the price.
āOh,ā Forbes breathed, and pressed his hand over his eyes. āI am a poor fool, indeed.ā
The manor had a porch. Forbes had not spent any significant time there yet, but upon the day after he went out into the middling sunlightāsome shade was tossed over him by the crowning trees and the great big branches alone for the porch did not have a proper roof anymore, half the thing rotted and the other half simply unpleasantāand tilted his head back, attempting to drown the lingering unpleasantness of the shattered, half-formed dreams that had visited upon him that night.
He had not seen Derek, since.
Forbes had eaten breakfast alone, unaccompanied by gentle needling of his skill and genuine eagerness to understand how cookingāeven something as simple as making toasted breadāworked, the curiosity that Derek so emanated even in his more ephemeral state gone and leaving Forbesā morning a rotted thing, one he did not wish to reenact the following day. Or during lunch. Or dinner.
He must apologize.
But Forbes had been in all the manorās rooms, and had not spotted so much as a hint of the young man.
Frowning, Forbes adjusted his hat. He looked at the sunlight again, remembering the way Derek looked within, and his heart skipped a beat. Shaking his head, he pressed a hand over his chest and sat down upon the rickety old rocking chair, wincing somewhat as he waited to see if the thing would fold beneath his not inconsiderable weight.
The thing held. And so Forbes sat out there for quite some time.
It was not particularly comfortable, all things told.
Forbes slept alone, again. The darkness of the night smothered the manor, turned every silence into a sigh and every shadow into a demon, and Forbes laid upon his bed with his hands crossed on his stomach and stared up at the cracks in the ceiling, the sheets stiff and rough upon his skin, too thin to properly protect him from the elements. At least, the thought did occur to him, his feet were adequately protected by his favored sleeping socks, though the rest of his attire did not win quite so many battles.
Still, the exhaustion must in fact have pulled him under at some point, for Forbes rose with the morning sun, no memory of the proceeding few hours, and shook himself loose of the sleep still clinging to his bones, rubbing an eye and covering a yawn behind his hand, opening his bedroom door and stilling at the sight of Derek standing before him.
āHi,ā the young man said, smiling crookedly. It was exceedingly charming, and Forbes curled his fingers around the door-frame lest he do something most unwise.
āHello,ā Forbes replied. āI must apologizeāā
āNo.ā Derek shook his head most ardently, expression one of utmost stubbornness. āI overreacted, I am most certain. You are not trapped here, and of course we do not really know each other, do we? And so you would notĀ beĀ trapped here, simply because you are kind to me. I merelyāI merely had a most unpleasant thought, you see, and did not wish to make it a reality through my own actions.ā
Forbes said, āI am not nearly as kind as you seem to think.ā But he did not know what else to say; he was sleepy, still, and had had an uncomfortable night he did not wish to bother thinking about, and Derek was here, again, standing before him in the shadowed hallway, half his face hidden yet still a glow to him that captivated Forbes effortlessly.
Derek shook his head. āYou are far kinder than you need be,ā he remarked, and gave Forbes a probing look. āYou might as well surrender, good sir; I shall not lose this fight.ā
Forbes smiled. āVery well.ā He tilted his head, his neck cracking somewhat as necks sometimes did upon motion, and added, āI do not wish to fight you. And I must apologize for my wordsāthey were ill-thought, and ill-spoken.ā
āNo.ā Derek brokered no debate, shaking his head once more and taking a step forth. Forbes held his place but found it was perhaps a rather unwise choice, for they were now so close that Forbes could see the color of Derekās eyes, the pupils that, despite Derekās corporeal state, reacted visibly to the light. Forbes held his breath in his aching chest far longer than was necessary, fingers tightening on the door-frame, and Derek stated, āAnd anyway, I do not wish to dwell. So come, letās have breakfast.ā
āAlright,ā Forbes agreed, and followed Derek haplessly.
He was, he found of late, rather hapless all aroundāwhen in Derekās presence, that was.
Forbes ate breakfast. The sunlight streamed in through the kitchen windows; Derek glowed below it, and Forbes found himself chewing nearly excruciatingly slowly, attention so caught he at times barely knew what his own hands were doing. Toast and jam was the same breakfast heād had every day since arrivingāfor Forbes tended towards habits, and that of predictabilityāyet Derek observed him as though it was a novelty.
Forbes wondered if this house had a proper radio. āDo you have a radio?ā he asked.
Derek laughed. It was an exceptionally pretty laugh, the noise not unlike bells, and Forbes swallowed heavily, forgetting to chew. āI do,ā Derek answered. āGladys put up radios in five different rooms, for variety, you see. Sheās quite worried Iāll be bored, up here all alone and all.ā
āI am, too,ā Forbes said before heād thought better of it.
But Derek did not lose his good mood. āYouāre kind,ā he merely stated, and smiled. āWhat do you do, when you arenāt entertaining weary ghosts?ā
And so Forbes launched into a long, detailed description of his work.
It was not necessarily that Forbes greatly enjoyed the work itself; but he was good at it, had nurtured a good reputation. He was sought-after, he supposed. His salary was quite good, too, and with no dependents to worry about he had saved a great deal of money at this point. In his early forties as he was, heād been working for quite some time, disregarding those dreaded years he preferred heavily to not think about.
It was, in fact, getting rather to the point where he was beginning to garner strange looks, sometimes, as people learned he was not married, and had never sought after it. Itād be one thing if heād failed, he thought, but Forbes had simply never tried.
It was not, truthfully, something he regretted.
Still. It meant a newness to these emotions of his that perhaps affected his good judgment a bit more severely than heād ever imagined.
They could not go on a walk in the garden, but walking through the house together was almost as nice. Forbes opened every window they passed on the first walk through, and closed most of them on the second walk. The whole thing took, rather due to their slow meandering pace as they spoke of a great many different things, closer to two hours.
Derek walked quite close to him, Forbes thought.
Forbes did, somewhat stubbornly, not move away.
āYouāve know Raymond long, then?ā Derek asked, glancing at Forbes from below long eyelashes. They meandered through a small library, Forbes running a finger slowly over a bookshelf, idly reading the titles on the spines. The sunlight was not bright in here; most of the room was rather dark even with the lights on, and so Derekās edges blended into the shadows around him, turning him both bigger and smaller than he really was. But his eyes shone, and Forbes glanced at them every few seconds without conscious decision.
āI have,ā he answered, smiling. To think that Telford had not only gotten married to a lovely woman, but become a father? That he had a brother-in-law he appeared greatly protective of?
How time passed.
Derek grinned. āThen you must know embarrassing stories, yes?ā
āI do.ā Forbesā grin turned rather devious, too. He was not immune to some good old-fashioned mischief, and found that he missed it, perhaps. He was surely notĀ thatĀ old, he thought. There was still a practical joke or two left in him.
āTell me,ā Derek breathed, eyes sparkling and body leaning toward him.
And Forbes was, as he was beginning to learn, quite weak before him.
He did not dislike it.
The following day, Forbes went to the local bakery bright and early. It was a foggy morning, with low light and a perpetual weight in the air that spoke of rain, a cold breeze that struck his cheeks rather mercilessly. Forbes parked the automobile, double-checking to make sure it was well and proper, and then walked the rest of the distance to the bakery, shoving his gloved hands in his pockets and tilting his head back to breathe in the fresh air.
It was not particularly fresh, he thought as he breathed it in again. Smog and smoke and the dim of automobile exhaust was not a very pleasant combination, and he was in fact growing a bit nauseous by the time he reached the bakery.
Stepping inside was quite a cure, though.
The smell of freshly baked bread and pastries filled the air, and soon enough it filled his lungs, too. Forbes breathed in deeply, lingering just inside the door for a moment until the proprietor cleared her throat and he started. He smiled, taking off his hat and holding it to his chest as he stepped up to the counter.
Looked over the offerings, thought about his wallet, and his budget, and his savings.
Thought about Derek.
Forbes bought entirely too much.
Still, he assured himself as he stepped back outside, a bag stuffed to the brim with bread and cookies and muffins, they would have visitors soon enough. And, Forbes thought quite ingeniously, he could simply give away whatever food he could not eat before it spoiled.
Derek was not waiting at the door when Forbes returned. Forbes glanced around the foyer for a moment, then shook the disquiet from his shoulders and headed toward the pantry, bag in hand. He put everything away carefully, and chose for himselfāfor Forbes had not yet eaten breakfast, in factāa bread smelling very fine, indeed, patting it on the bottom for that pleasant sound of a well-baked bread, and was not disappointed.
He toasted the bread, and noted that Derek had still not arrived.
Forbes plated the bread, settled down with his jam and glass of milk, and exhaled. Looked out through the window. Shut his eyes, and waited.
āYouāre not eating, old chap?ā Derek asked from next to him. āAre you sick?ā
Forbes smiled. Could not, it appeared, stop himself. āIām quite good this morn, young chap,ā he said, and opened his eyes. Indeed, Derek was beside him. Standing, and looking down at Forbes with a tilted head and slightly narrowed eyes, Derek was nothing less than divine, and Forbesā heart caught in his throat, the thing blatantly betraying him without hesitation.
Derek sat opposite him. Smelled, nose scrunching up, and then deflated a little when he once more failed to catch any scents. āIt canāt even be warm anymore,ā he noted, pointing to the bread. āWhat were you waiting for?ā
āYou, of course,ā Forbes stated.
Derek froze.
It was, Forbes realized, a quite fetching appearance when Derek then blushed, heat rising upon his cheeks and body drawing in somewhat as he squirmed, his hands clenching and unclenching on the table. Forbes smiled, tilted his head, and hummed deep in his throat, Derekās eyelashes fluttering. Heat grew in the pit of Forbesā stomach; he was not immune, it turned out, to a pretty young man looking at him like a startled deer, bright in the face and biting his bottom lip, eyes glittering in the morning sunlight.
Forbes ate his cold bread. He smiled when he caught Derek looking, but they said not another word to each other through breakfast. It did not seem awkward, Forbes realized; being in Derekās company was not simply pleasant, but rather enjoyable. Even if they said not a word.
It was possible, Forbes also realized, that he was in quite a bit of trouble, indeed.
They spent quite a bit of time together, that day.
It was not difficult to settle into life at the manor. While it had a grizzly history, now it was naught but a normal house, if great in size. Derek made it pleasant, even when the nights were long and the shadows dark, and Forbes did not, it turned out, house any desire within him to leave.
He rather wished, it even turned out, that he could stay.
But he did not voice this, of course. He wished not to bludgeon over any more boundaries, did not wish toĀ assume.Ā Did not wish to make Derek in any way uncomfortable.
And, truth be told, Forbes did not altogether know how one spoke candidly of such things.
But despite the aching in his chest that occurred at some times when Derek smiled softly at him, or gazed at him from below pretty eyelashes, or blushedātransparent as it may beāupon Forbesā words, Forbes did not wish to leave.
On the two-week anniversary of his arrivalānot that he was counting such thingsāForbes woke with a slight crink in his neck. It was nearly an hour before his usual awakening, but energy coursed through him and proved itself indestructible. He shaved first thing that morn, and took a long bath. Spread out in the luxurious tub and sighed, eyes shut, inhaling the warm water vapor. It was pleasant upon his cheeks, heat that burrowed deep into his bones, and he relaxed aching muscles after a full day of cleaning.
He was rather starting to wonder how Mr. Walters managed his house all on his lonesome, smaller though it may be.
After the bath, he stepped out into his bedroom and pulled on the bare-bones of his suit. There was no need for the full thing, and he could not deny that the vest was of expert make and quite flattering, and, perhaps, he wished to flatter. A failure of self-control he was not particularly upset about allowing to lapse.
Derek waited upon him in the kitchen this morn. āGood morning,ā Forbes said, stepping inside and hiding a yawn behind a hand. The radio was on; slow jazz music that he didnāt recognize. He fixed himself his breakfastābread and jam and milkāwith practiced hands, and sat himself down at the table so as to have a view of the window, Derek settling across him instantly. The sunlight haloed him, of course, and the kitchen was quiet but for the sound of Forbesā chewing and the music.
After breakfast, they went to the porch. Derek could walk upon it, they had realized, could stand on it and tilt his head back and breathe in the sunlight, unencumbered by a roof or a window, and he did so now, as well. It was still early; the sun laid low on the sky, and was blinding when looked upon directly, a mistake Forbes only madeāon accident, naturallyāonce.
Blinking the spots out of his eyes, he sat upon the flimsy chair and cleared his throat, gazing at Derek with far too much naked emotion in his eyes. Still, the young man was breathing in the nature, and did not seem to notice.
Forbes did not know if he mourned that.
āYou never tried going out onto the porch?ā Forbes murmured some time later, when Derek had lapsed out of his stillness at last and gone to sit upon the rickety railing. The benefit of his precarious state of corporeality was that it did not break beneath his weight, but Forbes still could not banish the worry when Derek swing his feet in the air, hands on the railing the only thing balancing him.
Derek shook his head. āI wasāI did not wish to explore, I suppose,ā he said. His tone was not weak, precisely, but it was not strong either. Faint, perhaps. Forbes had in him an aching desire to banish it, to make Derek smile.
āIt should need to be repaired, I would think,ā Forbes said instead, glancing around with a furrowed gaze. It was rickety, weeds growing up between the floorboards. Old and decrepit and he frowned somewhat, aching, too, at the idea of Derek being trapped with something like this, when he deserved so much more.
Forbes had a great amount of savings, and not much to spend it on. He could, he rather thought, spend it on a repair or two. Maybe three.
He chose not to interrogate that urge.
āIt would be quite nice, I should think,ā Derek agreed.
Forbes thought so, as well.
That eve, Gladys and Raymond Telford visited the manor. It was raining, somewhat, on their approach; the kind of slow rain that dripped from the sky without any particular force of its own, and Forbes waited upon them outside the front door, hat properly on and tie properly tied, despite Derekās needling that such things werenāt needed. Propriety, Forbes thought privately, was not the kind of thing one must always observeāfor, indeed, it could at times hurt more than it helpedābut it was the kind of thing that was always best attempted before it was disregarded, as one never knew initially itās reception.
He stepped down onto the road when the car careened into the driveway, headlights momentarily blinding, and tossed a smile over his shoulder to Derek, waiting in the doorway. Derek, in turn, smiled with such softness that Forbes could for a moment not even breathe, chest constricting tightly.
He looked away before he made rather a fool of himself.
Gladys smiled at him, reaching him first. Free of children, for they were being watched carefully at home, she pulled him in for a quick, polite hug, stepping back as soon as it was done, a murmured greeting while her eyes drifted over his shoulders and caught on Derek. Her smile grew considerably warmer; her smile looked almost identical to Derekās, Forbes thought, and then forced that thought out of his head as Gladys stepped around him and Telford reached him at last, patting Forbes on the back, boisterously laughing and declaring it āA beautiful day for a trip down the countryside. Donāt you just love this rain?ā
Forbes laughed. āIt is astonishingly pleasant,ā he agreed, glancing back toward the open doorway, where Derek hovered just inside, now just peeking around the edge, most of his body hidden as he avidly tracked his sisterās progress.
Forbes did not think he had seen Derek so shy, before.
It wasānot unsurprisingly, for Derek was of course a very charming young man and Forbes had only ever grown more susceptible to him over the weeksāa quite enchanting appearance.
As she got closer to him, Gladys smiled at her brother, dauntlessly walking forth and pulling him into a hug. It was not the quick, polite thing sheād granted Forbesāher grip on Derek was tight, smaller body nevertheless curled around him, and she murmured something into his ear that Forbes could not hear from his way behind, and as she and Derek then went into the manor hand-in-hand, Forbes and Telford followed.
It was well-lit; Forbes had gone through every lamp to ensure their brightness, had dusted every area that could be reached, and had even, to Derekās effervescent delight, made a small cakeājust in case they grew hungry after the journey. Though, in truth, it was hardly the kind of journey that invited an apetite.
Gazing around with the distinctive air of one in the midst of judging, Gladys nevertheless held her silence and sat down in the sitting roomās couch, Derek joining her without delay, their hands still tightly clasped. The firelight didnāt quite reach them; in the darkness they nearly appeared as one until Forbes eyes adjusted, and he remained standing beside the couch for a beat longer, content to simply watch and listen to the murmured conversations, the updating of everything that had happened since last they saw each other.
Telford, in turn, spread out on an armchair and stared right at him until Forbes, too, sat down on one, and then Telford turned toward him and remarked rather loudly, āThis has gone quite well, wouldnāt you agree?ā
āIt has,ā Forbes agreed, aware of Derekās quick glance his wayāhe had these days a fairly perpetual awareness of rather a lot that had to do with Derekās movements; could not, it seemed, quite shut out his desire to know what Derek was doing, was thinking, where he was lookingāthen quirked an eyebrow. āWas it ever in question?ā
Telford laughed, for he was rather prone to it, and shook his head. āYouāre a reliable sort, old chap,ā he pointed out, and added upon, āThere was no doubt in my mind youād do well with him.ā
āHeās easy to do well with,ā Forbes pointed out in turn.
āThat he is,ā Telford agreed. āA remarkable boy, he is. It is must unfortunateāā Telford ceased speaking, lips pressed firmly together, and at last only sighed. Forbes could make guesses as such of his thoughts, and he did not much like the idea of pursuing them. Much of Derekās fate was unfortunate, and that Derek was not more jaded was a sign of his character and personality and the strength of his bonds to the living more than anything else and Forbesāwell, sometimes Forbes looked at Derek and his heart caught in his throat, all tangled up, and he could hardly breathe.
Somehow it was rather a surprise every time it happened anew, despite the fact that it gotten to the point where it happened so often it shouldnāt be much of a surprise at al; and yet Forbes could not wish it to stop.
Did not, he had grown to accept, even mind it.
Done regaling Gladys with all their adventures, including a tale that painted Forbes far more generously than he should deserved, the young chap glanced over his shoulder and smiled. It was a slow, measured thing, his expression softening from the exciement he was engaging Gladys with, and Forbes held his breath in turn, exhaled softly in a carefully, cautiously controlled manner, and returned the smile. Could of course do nothing else, even to the sound of Telfords careful coughing.
Derek stood.
āJoin us,ā Derek asked Forbes, looking at none other, and pointed to the seat he had vacated, the decorated pillows that Forbes had painstainkly found and put out. āI wish to introduce you.ā
āWe have met before,ā Forbes dryly pointed out, but stood nevertheless, inhaling as he passed Derek by and joined Gladys on the couch. It was large, anyhow, and had more than ample space for the both of them without any crowding needing to occur. She smiled at him a bit, but her attention was on Derek and Forbes could not blame; he found, now, that he did not have much spare attention either.
Derek rolled his eyes, sighing as if in great pain. āGladys, this is Mr. Stanley Forbes,ā he said, stepping forwards and placing a hand on Forbesā shoulderāthe touch an entirely grounding thingāa mischievous note to his voice, and Forbes shared a look with Gladys. Derek continued, āForbes is my new companion, and weāve done many companionable things together, as companions do. Because weāre companions.ā And then he winked, grinning down at them with so much obvious pleasure that Forbes could not think, could not comprehend what Derek said, until Gladys laughed. He started. Derekās grip on his shoulder momentarily tightened, a pressure just shy of as solid as it should be, and Forbes tilted his head, mind spinning as he sought to catch up, while Derek grinned at him shamelessly in turn. āCompanions,ā Derek drawled, dragging out the word and grinning all the while, āAre quite close, arenāt they? And I find him to be aĀ veryĀ good companion.ā
Forbesā eyes widened. āDerek,ā he breathed, and then said nothing more for he could think of nothing that would not reveal things he was not ready to revealāprivate things, emotions caught in his chest cavity, thoughts he had no place thinking, desires that curled through him entirely without his consent but that he could not evictāand yet Derek seemed not to share his reticence, for the man smiled without shame or hesitation and sat down beside him, right between Forbes and Gladys, and grinned up at Forbes entirely unabashed.
āYes, old chap?ā Derek drawled, eyes glittering even in the low light, and all the desire to protest fell from Forbes, only leaving a quiet sort of fondness, the kind that grew when he wasnāt looking and only proved more resilient for it.
āYes,ā Forbes agreed at long last, and smiled at Gladys over Derekās shoulder. āWe areĀ quite goodĀ companions.ā
Gladysā lips twitched, and Derekās lips parted. It was a soft parting, barely there, but Forbesā eyes could still not manage to look away. āIt is eases my mind greatly, that you enjoy each others presence,ā Gladys murmured, but truthfully Forbes could not find it in himself to pay her very much attention, much of his mind occupied by the pale pink shade of Derekās faintly translucent lips. And thus it struck him also, now, that if Derek was faintly translucent from his side he must also be so from all others, and in turn Gladys and Telford might very well see Forbes desires as plainly as through glass.
Forbes exhaled, and looked away. He thought he saw Gladys smiling out of the corner of his eyes, but wisely decided to not pursue that train of thought. Instead, he said, āI have made cake,ā and Derek instantly perked up.
āYou must try it, and tell me what you think,ā Derek persuaded his sister and brother-in-law, rising before anybody could get a word in. āStanley tells me,āāand Forbesā heart caught in his throat, for, indeed, Derek called himĀ Stanley, not merely Forbes, an intimacy that should never fail to shoot right through Forbes and the effect of which he was rather convinced Derek knew full well, because he smiled in that particular manner of one getting away with teasing when he used itāāThat his baking is of no great skill but, you see, I think he is rather a liar, and humble besides.ā Derek sighed. āThe worst combination, I fear.ā Then he grinned. āSo you must try it, and tell me what you think.ā
Then Derek added, in an act of plain manipulation, āThe cake looks quite delicious to me, and it would greatly ease my sorrowful mind if you would relay the experience to me, as I lack the ability to taste it myself. The greatest of tragedies.ā
āIt is a great tragedy, indeed, and of course we shall assist you,ā Gladys stated, rather taking the fun right out of Derekās handsāDerek began to deflate, somewhat, but then Gladys smiled and said, āI shall order every cake from the bakery down the street, and we shall make a proper day of it.ā
Derek laughed. āThat would be a great day, indeed,ā and though the amusement returned to him, Forbes imagined he still sensed a moroseness to his countinence that betrayed Derekās genuine desire of such a day, and he thought to himself that if Gladys had not intended to fulfill her promise, he would convince her to, himself. For, he thought also, Derek should have that he wanted, and if what he wanted was the poetic descriptions of how pastries tasted, than that was what he should have.
And Forbes rather ached to give it to him.
They relocated to the dining hall for the cake. Not strictly necessary, perhapsāit was simply cake, after all, and they were simply family, hardly a proper dinner tableābut Forbes found a sense of enjoyment in caring for such things, and in truth what other occasion would they have for the elegant china heād found in crates in the storage? He brought out the fancy plates and the pretty glasses, and he displayed the cake at the center of the table, standing back for Derek toĀ oohĀ andĀ ahhĀ over it. Derek had already done so while Forbes baked itāhe had kept up constant commentary, asking about everything and anything that could be asked, and Forbes had found time flying while he answered and explained and showed Derek the process from start to finish, talking himself almost hoarse, a sense that he wished not for it to end filling him until he began to talk about the figureens heād collected as a child, entirely off topic and yet Derek had only continued to listen and ask questions.
Derek sat beside Forbes, and watched Forbes eat his piece slowly. After the first bite, Forbes remarked, āNot enough salt,ā and upon the second he added, āThe apple is too strong,ā and after the third bite he stated, āIt was in the oven just a minute too long, I shall think.ā
Gladys raised an impeccable eyebrow. āI see what you mean,ā she said to Derek, and Derek nodded, raising an eyebrow in turn at Forbes. Gladys said, āThis cake is marvelous.ā
And Telford chimed in, āA recipe would not go amiss?ā and indeed also raised an eyebrow at Forbes, giving a good look to Derek as well. āIt would do very well this cake, in our home, donāt you agree?ā he asked Gladys. Gladys nodded, and mouthedĀ childrenĀ at Forbesā uncomprehending look. Forbes nodded, though he thought to himself that the cake wasnāt particularity imaginative and he rather failed to see the specific appeal to children, but he knew well enough not to say that out loud.
Derek grinned, leaning his head on one hand and continuing to gaze at Forbes as he ate. It was not out of the norm; Derek watched him eat at every meal, and yet in the company of Gladys and Telford, Forbes found that the action could mean something entirely different than what he was quite certain Derek intended. And yet, Forbes did not make any effort to discourage Derekās attention; indeed, he was a starving man, unwilling to give up the scraps he was given.
Gladys and Telford proceeded to describe the cake in quite deep detail, spending several minutes detailing the taste and texture and then the aftertaste and the after-texture, and at Derekās curious gaze and encouraging words they rather ended up dragging it out far longer than necessary.
Forbes did not mind.
He quite enjoyed watching Derek be enchanted by something so simple as the tale of how a cake tasted, and he enjoyed even the repeating questions Derek asked all and sundry, apparently eager to test their patience. It was endearing, Forbes thought, when Derek grinned and repeated a question heād already asked several minutes ago, grin growing wider the longer it took the answerer to figure out it was not a genuine question and that he was, indeed, messing with them, as one might say. Even when he did it toĀ Forbes, Forbes found no ill will inside him, only a quiet sense that he wished, too, to tease Derek in turn. His blush was quite fetching, and though Derek had shown it several times over the weeks, Forbes still ached for more.
He ached, he thought, for rather a lot of things.
And so he repeated his answer word for word, patiently, slowly, dragging it out and pausing suspensefully, until at last Derek tilted his head and declared, āYouāre teasing me,ā and he said it in a tone that was full of delight, and Forbes smiled.
āI am,ā he agreed, making no attempt to hide his intentions.
Laughing, Derek rocked on his heels, sneaking a bit closer to Forbes. They had moved to standing in the parlor, the fire freshly lit and Gladys and Telford had retreated to a seat together, at last running out of things to update Derek on, but Forbes and Derek remained standing close to the fireplace.
It was warm, and the smell of wood smoke settled in his nostrils on every deep inhale. Forbes could no more force himself to breathe, though, than he could look away from Derek, he found.
The firelight reflected in Derekās eyes.
It was a small flicker, perhaps not as bright as it would be in a living gaze, but it was enchanting nonetheless, thoroughly stealing Forbesā attention so long that he missed what Derek said, the deep voice rumbling through him without him latching onto any of the individual words. Derek had a very pleasant voice, Forbes thought, and blinked upon realizing heād missed a whole sentence.
Derekās grin was a soft, gentle thing, the kind of expression that would keep Forbes up at night when he should be sleeping, the kind of thing heād twist and turn in his mind in search of all that could be found. āSo you agree with me,ā Derek stated, a glint in his eyes and a twist to his lips that flawlessly conveyed heād caught onto Forbesā distraction, and did not intend to let it pass unexploited. āYou shall allow me to draw you?ā
āYou can draw?ā Forbes asked, and Derekās smile fell, somewhat, glint in his eyes fading, and Forbes stepped forward, hurried to add, āI only mean, you have the corporeality to pick up a pen?ā
The easyāgentleāsmile returned. āI do,ā Derek confirmed, rocking slightly upon his heels. āNot always, of course. Corporeality is not my default state, and requires concentration that is not always at my ability, but sometimes, yes, I can pick up a pen. And I would quite like to draw you, if you agree?ā
āOf course,ā Forbes breathed, and his heart did a funny thing in his chest he dared not name. There was quite a lot things he refused to name, in a strange kind of fear. He smiled, still. Murmured, āI would be so honored.ā
Derek almost seemed to blush, then, but in his pale translucency and in the darkness with naught but firelight it was particularly hard to tell, and Forbes dared not guess at that, either. Did not wish to overstep, or make Derek uncomfortable, or push for more than Derek wished to give; it was a tingling in his hands, a lightness to his breaths, that pulsated through him when he stepped close, entangled together with the desire for Derek to smile at him, always. To be the one toĀ makeĀ Derek smile.
āGood,ā Derekās voice was naught but a breathy whisper, and then he shook his head and smiled again, and Forbes inhaled so sharply it was an audible noise that seemed to echo through the room. He felt, he thought, like all and sundry could see his thoughts bare on his face, and suddenly the inclusion of Gladys and Telford in this moment was unbearable, an imposition almost, though in truth he had no authority to declare them as such.
Still. Forbes could not shake the emotions coursing through him, could not make the energy and the fluttering inside him stop, and he cleared his throat after a moment, coughed slightly too loudly, and turned away from Derek. Spotted, out of the corner of his eyes, Derek drooping slightly, eyelashes lowering, but did not turn back.
āItās been a pleasure,ā Forbes told Gladys and Telford. āBut Iām afraid I have a touch of a headache, and I need to retire for the eve. Can you make do alone?ā At Gladysā raised eyebrow, he hastily added, āYou are, of course, welcome to stay as long as you please. Make yourself at home. There is no need to worry about my presence.ā He could not resist one final glance at Derek before he left; but Derek was going to his sister, looking at her, and so Forbes turned forth again.
He could not sleep, of course.
Partly it was undoubtedly because he could hear noises from downstairs; noise traveled easily in this manor, and he could hear something on the radio, the low murmur of conversations, and found a great difficulty in blocking those noises out. He did not want, he rather thought, to block them out, because heĀ ached, and if he strained his hearing he could at least hear Derekās smooth voice as he said something Forbes could not make out.
It was dark in his roomānight had at last fallen, trees shadowed the window, and the wind beat the branches on the walls. He listened to the rhythmic strikes, too, could do little else as he laid upon his bed with hands crossed on his stomach, gazing up at the ceiling and unable to silence his thoughts.
This, he thought, was very much not his intention when heād arrived.
Forbes was only supposed to be here for company; he was not even supposed to be here very long. He had already extended his vacation onceāand it was a small mercy no-one had brought it up, for truthfully he hadnāt told Derek that heād already outlasted his initial intended stayāand if he did again his boss might very well ask for an explanation. And Forbes did not have one that he thought his boss would accept; for, he found, the ease with which heād observed others display their emotions he did not naturally share. He had thoughts, and he could think of no way to say them. And so he simply had not.
But it was dark in his room. Dark, and cold, and Forbes pulled his blankets up to his chin and yet could not defeat the chill. It was dark, and cold, and he missed Derek already. Regretted that he did not say good night, because Derek would smile so softly then that Forbes would be unable to say another world and yet it was a sensation he achingly missed.
At last, after midnight and no closer to sleep, Forbes rose.
Forbes went to the library. He debated, a little, to try to find Derek. But he had not yet learned where Derek spent his nights. It was not always the same place, he suspected, because sometimes he awoke in the midst of the darkness and could hear radios from different directions, and other nights there was only silence.
He could, he thought, try to find Derek. But no, he thought, he could not say a word to Derek.
He did not wish toā¦
In truth, Forbes was a coward.
It was a revelation as he turned on a reading lamp in the library, sitting down beside it and curling up around an old book he had no particular desire to read. He was a coward, he thought to himself. He stroked a finger over the bookās cover but did not open. A coward. He wished not to compromise the companionship he had achieved with Derek, and so despite the ache he would say nothing. He did notĀ knowĀ how to say anything, and so despite the ache he would not even try. He feared Derek to be so uncomfortable in his presence so as to turn Forbes away, and yet despite the ache he did not have enough faith in Derek to be honest.
He was a coward.
Forbes inhaled deeply, shut his eyes, and thought.
Gladys and Telford had not slept over, Forbes learned the following morning at breakfast, as Derek regaled him of all heād missed due to his early retirement. Forbes did not say a word for a long time, but aside from a strange glance Derek did not seem to react to it, merely conituning his discussion as if Forbes was participating. It was not ann unwelcome reaction, and Forbes found himself soaking up every word Derek said; drowned himself in the cadence of his pronunciation, in the pitch of his voice, in the glances Derek granted him. In the smiles, and the good humor, and Derek tilting his head to display tantalizingly stretches of skin in what must surely be an unconscious movement and yet Forbes could for the longest second not drag his gaze away.
He cleared his throat. āA picnic,ā he said, for he must speak now that heād gotten so much of Derekās attention. āWould be quite nice.ā
Derekās smile grew gentler, warmer, and Forbes adjusted himself on the chair, flexing his fingers on his empty glass and putting it down before he dropped it. āIt would,ā Derek agreed, nearly a murmur, voice soft and eyes gazing at Forbes with so much warmth that Forbes didnāt quite know what to do with himself. He looked at the table for a second, but it didnāt ease the pressure in his chest at all, the tight ball in the pit of his stomach an odd combination with the flutters that soared as well. He drew a finger over the tablecloth, felt the fabric on the very tip of it, and inhaled.
āTonight. We can watch the sunset,ā Forbes said, unable to make it a question.
āLovely,ā Derek remarked, leaning a bit more over the table. He gazed at Forbes with a heat that Forbes could not name, and yet which sparked itās own response in him. Shaking his head a little, Forbes cleared his throat once more.
Stood, and went to take care of the dishes.
Forbes elected to try making his own cookies for the picnic, instead of going to the bakery. On the one hand, it was entirely too late in the day to get the best treats at the bakeryās, and on the other hand he was filled with a great amount of energy and baking was at least a productive way of working it off that wouldnāt include suddenly bursting into song, a thing heād never known was a risk before and yet could barely suppress now. He didnāt even know any appropriate songs, he thought to himself, and yet the urge only grew greater during the course of the day.
Forbes baked, and he put together a proper picnic basket despite the fact that they would only be going out onto the porch; it was the principle of the thing. Derek deserved a proper picnic, with all the gravitas such a thing demanded, and it was nice, mind-numbing work as well.
Derek stayed in the kitchen while Forbes baked and put together the picnic and then cleaned all the things heād used. āThey look adorable,ā Derek says from the table, nearly succeeding at picking up one of the cookies. His voice softens somewhat; āBut you didnāt need to make so many of them.ā
āTheyāll last,ā Forbes said, voice a bit too raspy for his comfort, and he coughed lightly. Derek hummed; the noise seemed to echo around Forbes, sink into his bones not unlike lead, and he inhaled through his nose, filling it with the scent of three dozen freshly baked cookies. Clenched his grip on the kitchen counterās edge, and exhaled in a carefully, slow manner. He was okay, he thought.
He was a coward.
But he was okay.
Sunset is beautiful. The orange light spills through the trees, between branches and around trunks, and it lands gently on the ground. Forbes tilts his head back to see the purple and pink edging into the black night high above, the twinkling of a few precious stars already having begun, and breathed in the cold evening air, settling into his lungs and holding until they ached.
Derek sat on the floor in front of him, leaning back on his hands and head tilted back; eyes shut, he soaked in the sunlight, the light spilling unevenly over his face and forcing Forbesās gaze back every time he tried to look away. The bare skin was tantalizing; the long neck, the collarbones visible where the shirt pulled down. Forbes could not look away; found in himself no great strength of mind, only an aching desire he that he could notā
He was a coward. An utter, utter coward.
Derek deserved better. Deserved the whole world. Everything that Forbes had to give, he wanted to give to Derek.
āIām fond of you a great deal,ā he said apropos nothing, heart stopping in his chest. Derekās eyelashes fluttered, and he gazed at Forbes from below. Said not a word, and Forbes heart restarted at a ferocious speed, a kind of pounding that echoed throughout his head. He licked his lips. He was a coward, he thought. And Derek deserved better. āI find your companyā¦ I would wishā¦ā Forbes inhaled. āI would wish to stay, if you will have me.ā
āIf Iāll have you?ā Derek murmured, and at last shifted. He resettled onto his knees and gazed up at Forbes, and he could very nearly see his own reflection in the faintly translucent eyes. āYou are the most marvelous person Iāve ever met, and you doubt Iāll have you?ā He laughed a little, and it sounded somewhat wet. Derekās smile was a thing of beauty, though, heart-stopping and worth every aching flutter in the pit of his belly. āI would have you stay forever, if it was up to me,ā murmured Derek, and lowered his head.
āIt is,ā said Forbes, an exhale more than anything else. āI would wantā¦ I want you to beĀ happy. I wonāt stay if Iām in the way. But if youāll have meā¦ I wouldāā and he could not even finish the sentence, emotions clogging up his throat.
Derek slowly placed his hands on Forbes knees. The weight was solidānot as heavy as it should be, perhaps, but solid all the sameāand Forbes stared at them, stared at the fingers digging into the fabric, slightly mutilating it, and inhaled so sharply it must surely be audible in space. Derekās smile grew a little, and the spark in his eyes that Forbes so achingly craved stared up at him in turn. āYou are not in the way. And I would have you, if you offered,ā rasped Derek.
Biting his bottom lip, Forbes reached down and entangled one of his hands with Derekās. Held tight, stomach swooping, and forced the words out before his mind caught up with his actions. āIām offering,ā he said, hoarse and breaths nothing more than shallows things born of necessity, for he found in himself no ability to hold onto the air. Not when Derek looked at him like that, not when his hands tingled and his stomach fluttered and his eyes watered from how long it took him to blink. He wished not to miss even a second of looking at Derek, of Derekās expression, of the softness he so gently bestowed upon Forbes.
He wished to have it all. Wished toĀ giveĀ it all. āIām offering,ā he repeated, raspier still. āHowever you will have me, I would give you.ā
āA dangerous promise,ā Derek remarked softly, squeezing Forbesā hand. He rested his head on Forbesā leg, curled over it, and Forbes bit his lip once more, that ache spilling over his edges. He gently, so slowly that Derek could not miss his intentions, rested his hand on Derekās head. Felt the strands of hairs between his fingers. Swept a thumb over Derekās forehead. Derekās eyelashes fluttered, and it was all Forbes could do to stay as he was. āYou donāt know how much Iāll take, if you freely offer.ā
āI would wish you to take it all,ā rasped Forbes. He swept his hand through Derekās hair. Derek stared up at him with such openness Forbes could do nothing but reply in kind. āWhatever you want, I want you toĀ have.ā
Derek shut his eyes. Forbes waited, content to look at him, to feel him, to touch him. He was a coward, he thought. But Derek deserved better.
And so Forbes would do better.
āIām offering,ā he murmured again, a hoarse promise.
āI am selfish,ā Derek said what must be minutes later. He raised his head a little, pulled on the hand still holding Forbesā and pulled Forbesā hand to his mouth. Pressed a soft, gentle kiss to his knuckles, gazing up at Forbes with such heat that Forbes could not speak. āI am selfish, and I will gladly take all of you.ā
That, Forbes thought, was an entirely desirable outcome.